Don’t be shy about consulting a couples therapist, either. But he would probably feel less abandoned now if you had begun by asking for a jointly created whole-family approach to safety, rather than jumping straight to his moving out. They may fear a disproportionate police response. June 25, 2020 By Nikki Jones, author of The Chosen Ones: Black Men and the Politics of Redemption. This drives my husband crazy! “Defund the police” means reallocating or redirecting funding away from the police department to other government agencies funded by the local municipality. Here’s a wild idea: Why don’t you ask them? It would surely linger and darken your marriage if you hedged. But every year, my sister-in-law texts me some platitude, like “Thinking of you.” I reply with a terse thank you, hoping she will take the hint. In light of recent events, my next-door neighbors apparently believe the police should be abolished. My husband works in a large hospital and has direct contact with Covid-19 patients. My layman’s intuition is that you should begin with an apology for skipping several steps in your understandably fearful opening gambit. But she doesn’t. They placed a sign on their front porch that reads: “Defund the Police.” This response ignores the fact for many people, the police are what they fear. Just call the boys’ parents and report the problem. He has to re-rake our gravel every time. at his hospital and the number of coronavirus cases there. For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter. To them, our police forces are existentially steeped in racism and excessive violence. How can she not see that her texts may be triggering? If you are concerned about this issue or disagree with your neighbors, approach them nicely to talk about it. The grief is fossilized in my heart. Defunding the police does not mean an immediate end to policing, but instead investing in social policies that prevent people from experiencing violence and harm in the first place. Ongoing protests across the nation are calling for meaningful change. I’m having a hard time convincing him why he shouldn’t. It’s that simple. They hurt me.” (And if you can’t bear to say it, text her.). I have no interest in commemorating this loss. As for your husband, tell him there is a bright red line between cranky and sociopathic. Why defund the police? I get the panic you felt at the outset of the pandemic with your husband in harm’s way. They placed a sign on their front porch that reads: “Defund the Police.” But we live in a neighborhood that has been vandalized in the past, and my neighbors are often away from home. Did he behave carelessly? There, solved! Rather, it would mean reducing police budgets and reallocating those funds to crucial and oft-neglected areas like education, public health, housing, and youth services. Should I respect their wishes, as evidenced by the porch sign, and not call 911 if I see an act of vandalism in progress on their property? Has she set a Google calendar alarm for my pain? This will give him room (and validation) to consider the ways he may have behaved better, too. Also, how does she remember the date? Why we need to defund, not defend, the police. That’s it. Presumably, he was in a better position than you to know about the supply of P.P.E. Calls to defund the police often elicit fear. I don’t remember the exact date, but it was after Mother’s Day. I have learned, generally, that people are terrible mind readers. Many activists point to the large share of state and local budgets dedicated to police services when many calls to police (about persistent homelessness or family conflicts, for instance) would be better handled by social workers. It does not call to defund police, but it also does not provide any additional funding to police departments. It read: "Defund the Police." The fatal arrest of George Floyd sparked a nationwide response that's included peaceful protests, violent clashes involving cops, incidents of looting -- and demands from activists to "defund … Defund the police is a call that's swept through protests and into the broader conversation about American policing. Two young brothers race their bikes on our cul-de-sac and come to a skidding stop at the end of our driveway. Proponents of defunding police say policing in America has a long history of disproportionate harm to communities of color. Many of the reports I’ve read about defunding the police focus on limiting the deployment of armed police officers to situations where they may be necessary and helpful — such as violent crimes. But your anger at your sister-in-law for messages that are clearly intended as supportive seems misplaced to me. Stop hinting! He wants to bury planks of wood with nails protruding from them to deter the boys. “Defund the police” might get clicks and bump ratings, but it is terrible policy. You and your husband are wise to discuss your conflict openly. 'Defunding the police' isn't simply about taking money away, and this book explains it Alex Vitale's "The End of Policing" suggests that police are asked to do too many things in society. A recent ABC News/Ipsos poll found that just one in three (34%) support the movement to "defund the police," while 39% support reducing the budget by shifting to … I had a miscarriage during my second trimester of pregnancy in 2016. Now a longtime demand from social-justice campaigners has become a rallying cry: Defund the police. In light of recent events, my next-door neighbors apparently believe the police should be abolished. Did he withhold information? Because it is monstrous to put children’s safety (and your car tires) at risk this way. On Friday, DC Mayor Muriel Bowser had a massive mural reading "Black Lives Matter" in block yellow lettering painted on … Please stop sending messages about it. What’s missing from your question, though, is why you believe he failed to protect you. This is in one sense a last-resort policy: If … I am truly sorry for your loss. He is on the wrong side of it here. Thankfully, his hospital was never overwhelmed. A reader wonders who the neighbors think will protect them if local law enforcement faces budget cuts. Help! Defunding the police does not necessarily mean getting rid of the police altogether. But he resents my attempts to “throw him out,” and I resent his lack of leadership in keeping our family safe. Why not redirect some police funds to affordable housing and mental health services, they ask? Should I have put family unity before safety? Seeing the chaos in New York City made me question his ability to take the necessary safety precautions. In the early days of the pandemic, I suggested he isolate outside the home we share with our 12-year-old son. This week, we're looking at what that would actually mean. They can be tremendously helpful. But given “recent events,” as you call them (or more candidly, yet another spate of senseless killings by police), your neighbors may not want you to call 911 about vandals with spray paint. When you next see her, say: “I know you’re trying to be kind by remembering my miscarriage, but it’s not an occasion I want to memorialize. Why? Still others would like to dismantle the current model of policing, as Minneapolis has pledged to do, and reimagine community safety given the frequency with which officers kill unarmed Black men and women. How will I stay safe, wonder people who associate the police with safety.
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